I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
