She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
