no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
