Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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