you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
