i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
