Jerry, you need to find god
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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