I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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