I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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