Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
