did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
