after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
