the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
