He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
