I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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