If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
