I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
