Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
