you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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