I will die if light touches me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
