Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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