i don't like sucking hair
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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