is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Still dying that you shit outside
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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