He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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