i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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