He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
