You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
