I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
