I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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