she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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