Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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