is your mom at the bar?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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