so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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