OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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