just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
