I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize