Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
