I just threw up on my dentist
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
