This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
