So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just googled if crying burns calories
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize