Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
