yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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