Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
