I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
