I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
