her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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