Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
