gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
