1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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