She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
