I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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