I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
