weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
kristin has been a bad kristin
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
