Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He passed out mid-signature
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
