Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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