i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
