we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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