I CAN MOONWALK!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
