I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
