Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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