Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
