Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
