I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
