When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
