Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
