Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
