I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
