He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
