Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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