Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
