Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
