I looked at my own cervix.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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