Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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