Do you still have your period?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
