My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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