you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
