it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
