new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
