But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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