I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
handjob tips. give me some.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
