Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
