I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize