i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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