i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
